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April 30, 2016

This is keep the candle burning by Point of Grace. I used to listen to this song all the time when i first got saved. Here i am, 16 years later, and keep the candle burning is not the type of song that describes me and my life. I've had somethings happen in my life which I cannot come to terms with and learned a side of God that i cannot come to accept. I have reached a point that i can't reconcile God to my mind. I'm bitter and hurting about a lot of things but one thing in particular. I'm in a process of greiving that just seems to never end and the longer it goes on, the more bitter I become. My differences with God about the way my life has been are deeply rooted in me and I don't think i even know how to love God anymore. But today, this song has come into my mind and so i downloaded it and it, of course, made me cry. But also, i felt a longing and a need for that candle burning in my life. But I don't even know how to stop being angry. I can't even type this without stopping to cry. Does God feel my pain as deeply as I do? Does he really care about that? I don't know anymore. Is my happiness a priority for God, or is he obssessed with his own agenda for his own glory at my expense? I still believe that what happened to Job was a grave injustice and during that whole time, God never had a single kind word to say to Job, even knowing all he was going through, and knowing that he was just a man. God's words to Job did not reflect empathy or compassion. That says a lot about God. How can I trust him when my prayers are never answered, my needs are not met and I never know how much God plans to allow me to suffer in the future and in all this, I can't even expect empathetic and kind words of comfort from the God who says he loves me? #pointofgrace #keepthecandleburning #christianmusic #christiansongs #chrisianlyrics #hope #sadness #greif #pain #tears #loss #abuse #narcissisticabuse #hurt #depression #god #jesus #faith #love #emotional #scars #wounds #anger #bitterness #bookofjob by _melissa.mae

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